Tes5Mod:Developer Mods/Ashley Cheng

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This page lists unofficial mods for Skyrim created by Ashley Cheng, who was the game's production director.

[edit] Loading Screens. By your Mom.

Official Add-On:
Developer Mods/Ashley Cheng
Released Feb 7, 2012
Size 0.012 MB
Availability
PC Available from the Steam Workshop
Requirements
Patch 1.4.21.0.4
For problems related to installation, see Installation Issues
Steam Workshop image

This mod changes many of the game's loading screens to humorous comments made by "your mom". It is available for download from the Steam Workshop. The changes are listed in the table below.

hey [sic] honey, I made a mod with your dragon game and uploaded it to facebook. Can you see it? Its [sic] not done yet. Did you drink any water today? 6 glasses a day dear, remember. Yes I know the mod isn't complete yet. If a certain Mr Bossy Pants would go to bed when he is supposed to, mommy would have time to write more and finish this mod. —Developer's description

For more information on certain loading screens, see this page.

Before After
Alchemy labs can be used to combine ingredients into useful potions and deadly poisons. You need to go outside and get some sun. You're spending too much time bending over your potion table. You'll get a crick in your back. Go outside and stretch out. Go for a run or something.
Any poison applied to an equipped weapon will be used on the next hit. Are you drinking enough water? You and your colored drinks. Drink 6 glasses of water a day.
Eat an ingredient to learn its properties and slightly raise the Alchemy skill. Do you need some gas money?
Shrines in the city temples will heal any disease, and confer a blessing. Accepting the blessing of one shrine will remove the blessings of any others. Maybe if you didn't go trampling outside naked, you wouldn't be sick all the time.
Sleeping in a bed applies the Rested bonus. Sleeping in a bed you own applies the Well Rested bonus. What time is it? You need to go to bed. That's why you're so tired in the morning. Staying up all night playing video games.
Magicka is the energy used to power spells. The higher the magicka, the more spells that can be cast. When are you going to make Lydia an honest woman? She is with you all the time. She carries your stuff. For Mara's sake, get married already!
Wearing heavy armor or using heavy weapons will slow you down. You smell awful in your armor. When did you last bathe?
You move more slowly with your weapon drawn. Why are you running with your sword out? You'll poke somebody's eye out!
Stamina is used to sprint and execute power attacks. Sprinting in Heavy Armor uses more stamina than sprinting in Light Armor or clothing. If you are going to get married, you need to give me 3 months notice so I have time to go on a diet.
The Alchemy skill determines the creation and potency of potions and poisons. How about making mommy a drink? A vodka tonic please. Hold the tonic.
The School of Alteration focuses on the manipulation of the physical world, and is used to cast spells like Waterbreathing, Magical Armor and Magelight. Would you like to play a game called Mommys and Daddys?
The Archery skill improves the use of bows and arrows. The greater the skill, the more deadly the shot. Bows and arrows are for little children.
The Block skill reduces the damage and stagger from physical attacks when blocking with either a shield or weapon. What are you wearing? We need to get to Wal Mart. They are having a sale. Let's go.
The School of Conjuration is used to raise the dead, summon creatures from one of the planes of Oblivion, and soul trap opponents killed in combat. Don't you dare look at me in that tone of voice!
The School of Destruction focuses on the mastery of fire, frost and shock, and is used to cast spells like Fireball, Ice Spike, and Lightning Bolt. Your father and I thought we wanted children. A dog would've been cheaper, I think.
The higher the Enchanting skill, the stronger the magic that can be bound to weapons and armor. I never wanted kids. I just like margaritas too much.
Those trained to use Heavy Armor make more effective use of Iron, Steel, Dwarven, Orcish, Ebony, and Daedric armors. You waste so much money on trainers. What about college? Are you going to finish your GED?
The School of Illusion focuses on the manipulation of an enemy's mind, and is used to cast spells like Fear, Charm and Invisibility. Stop watching tv and playing video games. Go read. Learn something.
Skills improve with use: Weapon skills improve when you hit opponents. The Sneak skill improves when you successfully sneak. Spell skills improve when you cast spells. Just because your weapon skills improve with use, doesn't mean you should be going around attacking everybody.
The Light Armor skill allows for more effective use of Hide, Leather, Elven, and Glass armors. Did you practice piano today? Go do 30 minutes or no tv or video games.
The Lockpicking skill is used to open locked doors and containers faster and with fewer broken lockpicks. Don't be a thief! They'll catch you! You just wait, you aren't as smart as you think.
Combat-based magic only improves when used against valid opponents. Using swords and axes is so messy and bloody. Why can't you just sneak around and stay out of trouble??
The One-Handed skill improves the use of weapons such as daggers, swords, maces and war axes. If I had a grandchild, you wouldn't have to pay so much attention to me.
The Pickpocket skill is used to take things from an unsuspecting target's pockets... and not get caught in the process. Go steal your mommy a nice necklace or something. I need something nice to wear for your father later tonight.
The School of Restoration focuses on the mastery over life forces, and is used to cast spells like Healing, Turn Undead, and Lesser Ward. You need to come home more often. It's too cold up there at that mages' college to visit you. Your poor mother can't take the cold like she used to.
The Smithing skill is used to create weapons and armor from raw materials, or improve existing non-magical weapons and armor. I saw a nice Imperial guard the other day. So handsome. You know handsome guards for your mother to meet? What? Your father is about as randy as a fence in the yard.
The Sneak skill makes it more difficult to be detected, which in turn allows for deadly stealth attacks. You think because you killed a dragon that you're some kind of big man? I'm your mother. I wiped your poop with my bare hands. I'm not impressed.
And the Scrolls have foretold, of black wings in the cold, That when brothers wage war come unfurled! Alduin, Bane of Kings, ancient shadow unbound, With a hunger to swallow the world! -- Song of the Dragonborn Why don't you try playing as a female this time? What do you have against being a girl? I'm a girl? You don't think your mother is good enough to play Skyrim?
Markarth is built on the foundations of an ancient dwarven city. All you eat is meat, meat, meat. Eat some cabbages Mr Meat.
The Nords first conquered Markarth from the native people of the Reach thousands of years ago. My friend's son in the Imperial City is a respected blacksmith. He doesn't sit around all day making iron daggers and bracers non stop!
The poor in Markarth live in the Warrens, and are almost exclusively natives of the Reach. Stay out of the Warrens! The poor people live there. You're better than that.
A native uprising in Markarth was put down 20 years ago. The survivors are known as the Forsworn. Why do you make your poor mother suffer so much? Why do you have to go out and fight fight fight? Why can't you stay home and do some gardening or be a blacksmith like your cousin, Jonathan?
"Nothing changes in the city of stone...." -- Amanda Alleia, A Sellsword's Guide to Markarth When are you going to come visit your poor mother?
The Black-Briars of Riften are one of the most influential and well-connected clans in Skyrim. Less time drinking every night, more time sleeping. You need to sleep at least 8 hours every night. And don't forget your nose strips.
The canal that spans the length of Riften was once a major thoroughfare for merchants and fishermen, but it now sits neglected and stagnant. Would it kill you to get some exercise? I can recognize the shape of your butt on the couch.
Whiterun's central location in Skyrim has made it a trading hub of the entire province. Say hi to your cousin in Whiterun. Don't forget to buy me a newspaper while you're there. Its so hard to get the paper out here.
The Plains District of Whiterun is home to the city's shops and market, while the Wind District is mostly residential. The Jarl's palace, Dragonsreach, dominates the Cloud District. Did you play piano today? I don't see anything in your piano practice schedule. You have to remember to write down when you practiced. You'll never make it to Carnegie Hall playing video games all day.
Dragonsreach earned its name when the ancient Nord hero Olaf One-Eye imprisoned his foe, the great dragon Numinex, within the palace. Yuck. Skulls are disgusting. Why don't you show a horse or something? Or maybe some flowers. You like picking flowers.
Whiterun was built up around the mead hall Jorrvaskr, home of the legendary Companions warrior guild. You joined what? The Companions? Who are those people? Why can't you join something respectable like lion's club or how about a tae kwon do class?

[edit] Less Werewolf Plz

Official Add-On:
Developer Mods/Ashley Cheng
Released Feb 8, 2012
Size 0.001 MB
Availability
PC Download here
Requirements
Patch 1.4.21.0.4
For problems related to installation, see Installation Issues
Steam Workshop image

This mod changes the percentage chance of two werewolf-related loading screens from appearing:

  • There are those who believe that when night descends upon Skyrim, werewolves descend upon the unwary...
  • Those with the blood of a werewolf can never gain resting bonuses from sleeping.

Usually there is a 4% (9% prior to version 1.9) chance of these loading screens appearing if the player is a werewolf. The mod reduces this to a 2% chance.

It was originally available from the Steam Workshop, but has been removed. It can be downloaded here.

Reduced the appearance of the Werewolf loading screen, when the player has lyncathropy [sic] —Developer's description


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